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“You have the choice to create the life your heart is yearning to live”.  Yes, life is all about choices, moment by moment.  As 2012 comes to an end and 2013 is knocking on our doorstep, it’s the perfect time to reflect on the choices we made this year and start thinking about the choices we want to make for the new year.

I know a lot of you out there have had a difficult year, there’s a lot of shifting and unsettling going on in the world at the moment so we are not alone in our challenges.  However, every person has their own “shift” happening and will be experiencing things in their own individual way.

I would like to share with you some of my own recent personal reflections…

Sunday 25 November 2012

It’s a beautiful sunny day.  I’m sitting on Waihi Beach, listening to the waves, watching them break on the shore in a white frothy cascade.  I feel Dad’s presence strongly.  He loved it here.  As did I.  It was our special place together.  Staying with Pat and Leo who looked after us well.  Our home away from home.

I used to sunbathe my skinny bikini clad body every day.  Smothering my brown skin in yummy coconut smelling suntan oil.  Slowly roasting in the sun, then skipping into the cool Pacific ocean to freshen up.

Walking along the beach each night.  Thinking, dreaming.  I wonder what I was dreaming back then…I can’t remember now. I was 16.

32 years have gone by.  Unbelievable.  It truly feels like yesterday. So much has happened.  So much has changed.  But at my core I feel the same.  Still unsure, still searching.

I think back to that innocent 16year old girl.  Naive.  A virgin.  A child really.

32 years of experiences, adventures, grief, broken heart(s), courage.  In 32 years I will be 80.  I better start making the most of it!

2012 has been one of the worst years of my life… 

I feel like I’ve been bombarded with so much on all levels. Loss of security in everything – job, home, love, direction.

This year it’s all been scattered to the four winds. I have struggled emotionally with so many things, so many contradictions, beliefs, old ways of being and new ways trying to break through.

I feel like I’ve been thrown into one of those narky old manual washing machines (I remember Mum’s one – nasty piece of equipment!) and swirled around with the agitator, then put through the wringer just for good measure.

It wasn’t pretty but I have learnt a lot about myself this year…

I am strong.  I have courage.  I will survive. 

When 31 December 2012 comes I will let it go gladly.

2013 is going to be a new start for me on so many levels and I look forward to the new adventures it will bring.  There will be new things to experience and new ways of being for me.  Things I can’t even imagine right now.

But one thing is for sure…I will continue to untangle the knots that hold me back and begin by allowing myself to choose what feels right in the moment – for ME.  I’m not the same person I was 2-3 years ago, I’m not the same person I was six months ago.  My traveling experiences to Bali, Vietnam and Cambodia have changed me deeply and so has my outlook on life and what my priorities are.

And therein lies the difficulty – going with my heart and what makes my soul sing, against what my head says (which holds my financial and day to day reality)… the dichotomy of life…

I know one thing FOR SURE – the top of my list for 2013 is reuniting with my beloved Yogi in Bali.  I can’t wait to see his awesome smiling face again.  He brightens my heart and gives me purpose.

 “Death is not the greatest loss in life.  The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live” – Norman Cousins

I hope I don’t sound like a ‘victim’ and feeling sorry for myself.  In truth there have been times when I have felt that way but I’m really just trying to be honest and authentic and I know a lot of you will relate to what I’m saying.

We all go through our ‘shifty times’ and it’s not until we come out the other side that we realise what it was all about and can be thankful for those lessons even though at the time it’s friggin painful as hell.

I purchased a diary recently for the new year – “it’s a good day to have a GREAT year” – that’s my motto for 2013!

So, 2013 – it’s time to SHINE…

“We are spending so much time and energy being afraid that we are not fully walking into our power and our gifts.” – Brené Brown


I would like to thank each and every one of you who continues to support me and enjoy my website.  It has been a guiding light for me this year and I thoroughly enjoy creating and researching content to hopefully uplift, inform and inspire you – THANK YOU.

And so, I would like to leave you with a couple of things to help YOU in your reflection:

1.  If you would like to do some self enquiry about what 2012 meant for you and what you would like to uncover for 2013, then please help yourself to this awesome planner by Zivana Anderson “What will be Meaningful in your 2013?”

2. Watch the video below for some reflection on the wonderful world we live in and to be thankful for what we have…

 “There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost.”
—Martha Graham

Please feel free to share your comments below, I would love to interact with you and know how 2012 has been for you or your dreams for 2013…

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  1. Hi Paula
    Another great blog post. Your honesty is fantastic, thank you for sharing. 2012 has been an incredibly challenging year for me also, but was often made better by having such wonderful friends and family, including you!
    This year I started a gratitude journal, and as I read back, I had so many highlights that I had forgotten about, but was thankful to be reminded.
    And this too shall pass … new doors will open, with a positive energy and excitement about the future, wishing you the very best 2013 (if you can believe it!)
    All my love

    • Thanks so much for your kind words and support Joelene. Even though my year has mostly been a challenge, I’ve so enjoyed meeting and getting to know you and also working with such fab people at the Port. What you have achieved yourself this year is fantastic and I know you’ll only go from strength to strength…so here’s to US (and everyone else reading this) may 2013 be our best year yet!
      Much love to you xx

  2. Hi Paula I loved this post, thank you for sharing so openly w us. I was told at the beginning of the year that 2012 is a spiritual shift year – strip off what we no longer require to make space for the new. Yes, holy cow it has been challenging. Yet as you say, isn’t it uplifting in the quiet moments we have to recognise and appreciate all our growth from this year. It is wonderful that you feel you have changed even from 6 months ago. I’ve so enjoyed your posts this year. Looking forward to what we share next year :). Hugs Z

    • Hi Zivana, “Yes, holy cow it has been challenging” – love it! But, as you know it’s the challenges that make us grow. The more we’re challenged, the stronger we become. It certainly sucks at the time that it’s that way but you can’t have day without night, Summer without Winter (or rainy season – lol)…and when we come out into the sunshine again we certainly appreciate we’ve made it through :). Thanks so much for YOUR wisdom and support this year…I can’t wait to sit down and work through your awesome 2013 Planner. I too look forward to sharing 2013 with you Zivana 😉 x

  3. Kia Ora Paula,
    Thank You for sharing your reflections, they are from your heart which makes them so endearing to a reader.
    Something I have slowly realised in my life journey is that the existence of ‘dichotomy’ as you write is limiting and that there is a far greater vision for the unfolding of the true self. The greater vision is for an alignment between the head, the hand and the heart. This vision is transformational and deeply soulful and your true purpose in life. What the heart feels, what the soul confirms, what the hand initiates, what the head thinks and does is perhaps, in my case, my true self. I feel it in my gut. In other words, when I do what I love with passion, and get rewarded for it, materially (cos we have to eat), then true happiness exists. Think as one, act as one, be as one. Ask for what you need to be complete. This has worked for you all year, go for it in 2013.
    FYI, I have been looking at Access Conciousness – Point of View Change (email site)
    My Point of View creates my reality. (You may have heard of it before)
    Justinipov = just an interesting point of view.
    The tool works like this.
    You have a thought, e.g. “I feel sad” Say to yourself “Interesting point of view, I have that point of view, where did it come from”.
    Repeat it over and over. Notice any energy change. Is the sadness still there.
    Think, I made a solution or conclusion about my happiness, where did it come from, is it real or just an interesting point of view.
    Think, “What would I really like to choose, can I embrace more possibility or less.
    What possibilities could a new choice like, “I am feeling happy and fulfulled” give me.
    Confidence, calm, peace, joy, choice?????
    This technique is designed to avoid trauma and drama and become more peaceful.
    Takes us out of judgement of ourselves.
    JUSTINIPOV = just an interesting point of view. About anything in our lives.
    The only thing that is stopping me from making change is my point of view and this prevents me from moving ahead.

    Other stuff that I am focusing on now is,
    Take time to work, it is the price of success.
    Life is too short to be selfish.
    Laughter is the music of the soul.

    HO HO HO, Happy Christmas and
    Shine your light in 2013,
    Love Bronwyn

    • Wow Bronwyn, thank you so much for your fantastic words and offerings. I really love when you said “What the heart feels, what the soul confirms, what the hand initiates, what the head thinks and does is perhaps, in my case, my true self”. I think that’s our true self in all cases. It’s getting it to all work together that is the challenge (for some of us…well, maybe for most of us?) I’m definitely working on getting my ‘shift’ together next year so I can have that alignment…watch this space :). I also like the information about JUSTINIPOV and will endeavour to remember to give it a go. I find I’m on such auto pilot with my reactions that I never remember about these types of tools. I have found EFT to be invaluable to move me past my most debilitating head spaces but I would like to try your suggestion, definitely :). Thank you dear Bronwyn and may you shine your light in 2013 too! xx Paula

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