Follow Your Dreams…Part 2…

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Follow your heartFollow your head, follow your heart…the one that wins is the path you take…It’s a perilous journey and more often than not the head wins.  You find yourself still in the job you hate. You stay in a relationship that is no longer working.  You want to buy a house but feel trapped by the financial obligations.  You want to lose weight but can’t be bothered exercising or changing your eating habits…
 
 

I have been battling with the heart/mind game since returning from Bali at the end of 2011.  I’ve felt quite displaced, no longer the person I was before going and not feeling like I fit into mainstream life back in NZ.  My heart longing to be elsewhere, to be doing something more fulfilling, but the necessities of day to day life drive me to stay put…my lizard brain in control once more.

New LifeA lot of us long to have a life different from the one we are actually living.  But how do you follow your dreams when you have responsibility to others (and yourself)…to work and earn enough to feed, clothe and house your family or yourself…how can you possibly go off and start that business you’ve always wanted, travel the world for 12 months (or indefinitely), change careers and start again…it’s a tough decision and many never get to realise those dreams.

We all have choice.  We all make our own decisions in life but it can be the pressure from others or our fear of what others will think that most influence our decisions to follow or not follow our dreams.

When I left New Zealand in May 2011 to spend six months in Bali, the road to that point was a huge emotional roller coaster for me.  I had to slowly untangle myself from the claws of security – my good job, my lovely home, my family, my friends, my cushy life.  Safe. Secure. Predictable.

Let goMy heart was my driving force.  It was pulling me to experience more out of life, to push me out of my safe little comfort zone, and boy did it do a good job!  Those six months in Bali changed my life, showed me I was capable of so much more than I gave myself credit for.  Opened my heart, fed my soul.

It’s really easy to fall back into old patterns and ways of being.  Back to safety and security.  But it’s not fulfilling, it’s not empowering and it’s certainly not living.

I battle between my heart and my head daily.  Mainly to do with money.  Last year I didn’t go back to Bali to see the kids because I was too afraid to spend any more from my savings to do so.  My little nest egg.  My security.

I missed out.  Fear caused that and I regret it.  And so, with the challenges and learnings I received in 2012 I’ve come to this conclusion…

Looking OutLife is too short.  It really is.  It can change in the blink of an eye, literally.  How long do you allow yourself to stay trapped on the inside, looking out?  Longing for something else but too fearful to take action.

And so I’ve decided.  I’m going to dip into my nest egg and head back to Bali for a few months, to see my beloved Yogi and Ari and the beautiful children at the Yayasan.  To teach and to write and to hopefully get some clarity.  Where to from here.

I may also do some further travels while I’m away, depending on what plans emerge, fellow travelers I meet and how my budget survives Bali in the first instance.  Thailand or Sri Lanka/India are on the list.  Why?  Because I can.  Because I have no ties in my life, no responsibilities.  I am free.  I have no permanent job.  I have no home.  All my belongings are still in storage.

One thing I’ve definitely learnt from this process is when you follow your heart, you KNOW it’s the right thing.  You get a deep sense of peace, knowing you made a choice that is truly authentic to YOU.

Am I mad?  Maybe. Yes, perhaps I ‘should’ be buying a house for my future (NZ/Australian society dictates that’s the ‘norm’) but then I’d be chained to a big mortgage and won’t have a life.  At this point in time, that’s not an option for me. That’s not what my heart is telling me to do.  It’s what my lizard brain wants me to do (out of fear).

I do wonder about the future, about ‘retirement’, but hell, I may not get to retirement.  I don’t want to leave this Earth regretting I didn’t live life and experience what my heart was calling me to experience.  I KNOW I’m heading on a whole new huge growth phase, another adventure and getting out of my comfort zone once again – stretching – growing – living…isn’t that what life’s all about?

“And the day came that the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom” – Anais Nin

In the words of Kute Blackson:

“Real peace is beyond the mind. When everything in your soul, everything inside you is guiding you somewhere else. When you don’t listen to your inner guidance, it’s painful.  When you don’t listen to your heart’s wisdom a part of you dies in that moment, a part of you kills off in that moment…and there’s suffering.”

 

And so, my quest continues and I welcome you along to share my journey once again…Follow Your Dreams, Part 2…

Fly Free

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Comments

  1. Hey Paula,
    Congrats on your decision. You will have another adventure of a life time. Life purpose and income are two different things but in time, can come together nicely.
    And CONGRATS on being one year old!! That is a big achievement.
    xxx Andrea

    • Thanks so much Andrea and yes you’re right, life purpose and income can come together and when they do it must feel amazing! That’s what part of this journey is for me so I look forward to seeing what gets revealed. Watch this space :)x

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